Lately I have been overwhelmed by saudade, a Portuguese word that refers to the feeling of longing for something or someone that you love and which is lost. When I look around, I see a city haunted by memories. I feel that I have seen everything, been everywhere and experienced all that this city has to offer. Rationally, I know this not to be true. What I love best about this incredible city is that there is always a new restaurant opening, a new festival starting, a new play debuting, a new group to join, a new cause to take up. But over the last year I shared these experiences with someone with whom I was madly in love. Someone who made each moment special. Someone who made me feel excited to be young, alive and living in a vibrant city. Now, I simply don’t have that same enthusiasm. The places I love are tainted and the new have lost their charm.
I had begun to wonder if this city would be able to offer me any new adventures. And then something incredible happened. I reached out to a friend and told her how terribly sad I have been and like magic, she was there for me. She took time away from her kids and husband. She drove a long way into the city. She recruited another friend. And she did it because she knew I needed her and she knew it would make me happy.
Thanks to a trivia contest that my roommate and I won back in July (that’s a whole other story!), I had free tickets to a Steam Whistle Brewery tour. We decided to go and it turned out to a really fun day filled with drinks, jokes, cute guys and a great tour guide. And for the first time in a while I was really happy. I laughed and smiled and flirted. (Plus it totally confirmed by desire to be a tour guide, but more on that another time.) Thanks to my very good friend I got to go to somewhere I had never been before, to see something I had never seen before and I got to explore the world through beverages (Part 3). All in the heart of my own city.
Then on my way home I encountered a couple of young girls who were clearly enamoured with Toronto. They stood outside the subway looking up at the skyline in awe and I suddenly remembered how it feels to be filled with wonder and excitement. And I knew that it is possible for me to feel that way again – someday, somewhere, somehow.
So today I saw yes to creating adventure with what you can. To finding new where you can. To making the best with what you have. And to loving the people who’ve always got your back.
I promise I will try,
Do one thing really, really well. (For me, I hope that’s love)